


labels

by sky_kaijou



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Art, Love, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25959775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_kaijou/pseuds/sky_kaijou
Summary: It’s almost like we’d never had this conversation and I hoped, prayed in naivety for once.Just once.Maybe.You’d stay the morning too.
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler/Kaiba Seto
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	labels

**Author's Note:**

> The formatting is on purpose. Probably best to be read on desktop.

I reached my arm over to my right as I stretched and noticed he was gone.

Again.

And I sighed.

It’s almost like we’d never had this conversation and I hoped, prayed in naivety for once.

Just once.

Maybe.

You’d stay the morning too.

I wonder if you took our conversation (is it a conversation or just a sermon if you never spoke?) at face value. Or if you could tell that I was hurting because you left every time before I woke up.

That you looked over at me one more time and _chose_ to leave.

It was equally as hard the afternoon that I’d get home from work, clean up, and find something of yours by the bedside table, or in my bathroom.

A tie. A comb. A toothbrush. It didn’t matter what it was.

Well, yeah it did.

The more domestic things cut the most.

(Remember the second time you said this wouldn’t become a habit?)

And every weekend was just a mere “moment” of weakness for you but again you lay down and I could count the hairs that wrapped around your arms until I fell asleep.

And then remember when you told me three month sin that you and I were “exclusive” and my heart churned for some reason as I agreed but I never brought up that “boyfriend” word in case it scared of you off and I vowed to myself that I could be cool about it because that’s what guys like me do.

And maybe it should have been obvious that you didn’t want more until we started accidentally, minutely talking about the worlds around us. I figured we weren’t so different – just products of our surroundings that needed to find someone a little less pretentious and a lot more okay with the things we dealt with, especially when we were sixteen.

I haven’t decided what to do because the cliché has happened which means I need to break up with you.

Maybe.

After just one more time.

Am I this weak?

And so I didn’t answer your calls again. I refuse to let you walk all over me.

I’m not a coward. I just need some time.

-

The problem with being with someone like you – I rephrase.

The problem with being us is that we dance around the conversation that we needed to have

Eleven months and fourteen days ago.

But you’re frustrated that I’m not around but unless you use those words that you’re happy to spit in your opponents faces and twist them into a coherent sentence about what you need for me then I’m not at liberty to change.

You   
don’t   
realise   
how   
much   
this   
scares   
me   
too. 

But I can tell others more about you than your own friends can.

And I know ~~our anni~~ when it all started.

But in my defence, you haven’t been the most accommodating either. Work’s not an excuse. Tournaments aren’t an exception. You’re always busy, you’re always distracted.

It’s hard staying patient when you’re unwilling to listen to me when I try to communicate with you – you should know by now I don’t say how I feel I let my actions speak. You said you understood.

Words. Are. Cheap.

I took you out on dates, I called predictably. I acknowledged your birthday and surprised you with flights to see your sister’s graduation.

Maybe it got messier when I involved her, but I thought it was the right thing to do because I saw that glimmer in your eyes and remember how you wrapped your arms around me before recoiling and pretending that it didn’t happen.

She just smiled and winked and told me not to label it if it made me feel uncomfortable.

(My own brother giggled uncontrollably and grilled me on the details but I kept quiet.)

I’m just afraid that a label will give the world a reason to pry and maybe ruin the quiet moments alone.

So, answer your phone. 

-

Isn’t it ironic that the last time I’m going to meet with you is three hundred and sixty-five days since we stumbled into the elevator that rode up to the penthouse with alcohol-flushed cheeks lit up with smiles.

I didn’t think you were that intoxicated but I went along with it afterwards. Sure, sure, sure.

The views across the city, watching the lights sparkle in the reflection of the harbour was almost as pretty as seeing the golden flecks between the ice of your eyes and the way you pushed me back onto the bed.

You made the first move. You grabbed my tie and within seconds it was unravelled on the floor.

I turned off my phone. (I only get phone calls when it’s switched off I swear.)

Your tongue was like sherbet candies popping as you dragged them across my hipbones.

You proved that your mouth isn’t only good for lip service.

Just like my attraction to you wasn’t just out of the thrill of the chase.

I genuinely like ~~d~~ you.

I catch your eyes and you look like you’ve seen a lifetime of catastrophes but I’m enough to cure you, make you forgot for a moment.

Except, this time it feels different.

I hand you a box and tell you I’m done. I can’t be fifth on your list.

You reach out and grab my hand.

Softly.

-

This time will be different.

I hardly feel those words fall from my mouth, but I know you heard them from the way you stopped pulling away.

“Yeah, you always say that.”

You shake. Hiccup.

I broke you. I fucked up.

“I know what day it is.”

I spin you around and plant a kiss on your lips and you don’t pull back.

But your cheeks are streaked. 

“I want this.

You’re not a mistake.”

“Then why did it take this long?”

You quiver before regaining your confidence.

“Why did it take this _fucking_ long?”

“Because.”

“What is it? The fact that you don’t wanna be seen with someone from another class?

You afraid of them talkin’?

You afraid of being called gay?

I’d let them call me anything if it meant I could be with you.”

Your lungs deflated before you pushed me into the wall with open palms.

“I wish it could be our time.

Call me, when you become the man the rest of the world thinks you are.” I snap. I push you back.

“You don’t think that I haven’t considered every timeline?

Every single timeline? 

Every single possibility that would keep us together?

We’re not just playing with love anymore. This is Japan.

And homophobia is destroying people around us.

My money doesn’t change that, Katsuya.

And I would even give that up for you if it would give us any hope.”

-

You silence my arguments with breathy kisses.

You pull at the hem of my shirt.

You drop to your knees and make me forget my own name.

And then while you’re down there.

While you’re down there.

You give me a ring.

Oh god, I wanted to wear that ring proudly. Shout your name from those rooftops. Whatever romantic cliché the world could give us. If not forever, just for today.

I don’t care who takes whose last name. Or even what country we’re in.

But I can’t.

Yes I can.

But I can’t. Yes I can.

“But I can’t, unless I know you’re serious.”

“As serious as I could be about anything.”

“I-”

“I love you, Katsuya.

I’ve been so lost for a long time.

And you’re my only light.”

My hands clench and my tears return.

“I swear to god. I swear to god if you’re just saying those words -----”

“Do you really think I’d do that?”

My heart shatters on the wooden floors.

“I’m-” hyperventilating. That’s what I’m doing.

Sweat pouring down my neck.

“I’m-” about to take the biggest leap of faith.

“I.” “Love.” “You.” “Too”

And that’s why it’s scary.

I tried not to get so close.

I tried not to let it get so messy.

But what else do I have to live for than the poetry you make.

It’s about sacrifices. I can’t call myself perfect.

But I can call myself lost without you.

And I can call myself hopelessly in love.

Despite all the warning signs.

(And maybe it’s okay to not know where we’re going next as long as I have you)


End file.
